my poor, neglected blog. i always start these things out with good intentions but then life (and my short attention span) take over and the next thing i know months have gone by.
i came here to write with a specific purpose in mind, but as i’m sitting here putting fingers to keys (ok, i’m actually composing this from my phone, laying flat on my back, so it’s fingers to touchscreen) i don’t think i want to say what i originally planned.
last weekend i was at tribal revolution. it’s an annual convention/festival/massive event for tribal belly dance enthusiasts. there are amazing workshops, a spectacular vendor room, showcases and drum jams, and maybe most importantly to me, the feeling of being connected to the dance community in some deep and important yet difficult to fully express way. this was my 4th year as an attendee, and my 3rd year as a performer. and i walked away from the experience–the learning, the listening, the watching, the dancing, the late nights, the laughs, the too much alcohol, the absolutely amazingfunnyintelligenttalented human beings i kept company with–feeling ready to do more of what fills me with me excitement and joy. some of that is dance-related, to be sure. but a lot of it isn’t.
so while i set out to write a post about one (kind of negative) thing, instead i’m going to focus on what’s positive. because i’ve been making a concerted effort to only expend my energy on the people and things that are worth it.
for instance, i performed a solo at a hafla last night. the whole point of this particular hafla was to push beyond your boundaries and maybe do something you’ve never done before. i’ve never solo’d before and it was equal parts terrifying and thrilling. i’ve seen the video and while i can totally pick apart some of the technical things i didn’t get quite right, i’m so proud of myself for doing the damn thing. i chose a song i love, and i danced. i didn’t dance with perfect technique to be sure (and some of that was because i was nervous af) but i felt the song that i chose and i know that i conveyed that. and instead of being so stuck in my head about getting everything just right i connected with the audience. it was a truly an exhilarating experience and i’m so thankful not only for the opportunity, but that i took it. (special shout out to paula, pam, & denise for being the reasons i did it.)
i have no big take away from any of this. other than, i suppose, the thing i originally came here to lament no longer feels like such a big deal. i’m learning to make space for the things that matter though, and i guess that’s big enough.