there’s so much i’ve wanted to write. so many meandering things have been on my mind and heart. but i’ve been unable to distill it into something even nearing coherence.
a dear friend shared something heartrending with me this past weekend and i’ve been unable to think of much else since. i’ve wanted to write about it, just to put it down some place where i could begin to try and make sense of it. but when i tried, i couldn’t get any words out.
i have to be careful. because it still isn’t mine. and while there’s nothing wrong with me needing to process, i think there’s a certain danger in taking my feelings about the situation and unintentionally making it “mine” in a way that could be construed as selfish.
but it’s also the sort of thing that, every time i think about it i immediately go to, “this could be you. this could be your child. this could be anyone. and since it could happen to anyone, any child, at any time, how do you maintain vigilance without becoming afraid of every one and every thing?”
ugh. this is all vague and heavy.
on the plus side, there’s a lot that’s good for me right now. i started teaching a belly dance-based fitness class last year, and after a hiatus that included a kind of restructuring and re-focusing, i’m teaching again.
i love teaching. i decided fairly early-on in my belly dance journey that i eventually wanted to teach, amongst other things. and while i’m not strictly teaching belly dance, i’m introducing some fun ladies to some fundamentals in a no-pressure-just-dance environment and i love it. i’m also getting the opportunity to create this class and structure and brand it (if you will) in my own way.
along those same lines, i’m now the creative director of my own troupe–a project i’m undertaking with 3 ladies i’ve gotten to know and love thanks to ats. i couldn’t be any more excited–or any prouder to have the opportunity to create something new with them. when i started as an ats baby belly dancer, i had no idea that the dance sisterhood would continue and persist offstage. i am so fortunate to have these humans in my life.
after hemming and hawing for the better part of 10 years (no, seriously) i did a thing where the boys are concerned that could turn out to be a fun, exciting new thing for both of them. they have a meeting with a talent agency rep at the end of this week. i’m trying to maintain all of my chill about this for lots of reasons. but of course i hope it goes well. wildboy #2 has spent the better part of almost 2 years telling me that he wants to be an actor, and after seeing their cousin in a national target ad, they’ve both expressed interest in “trying out” modeling. so. we’ll see. the rep we’re meeting with is actually a friend of mine from high school, and she comes with a wealth of knowledge and experience both as the mother of children involved in the industry, and as a professional in her own right. i’m cautiously hopeful right now. (but the emphasis is really on the hopeful.)
it’s also Holy Week. i’ve been in a weird space spiritually for a little while now, so i haven’t been observing this week in my usual ways. i don’t feel as if God is far from me, though; on the contrary. i feel His presence strongly. and distance is on my part. and i haven’t quite unpacked what that’s all about. this would probably be a good week to begin to do just that. Resurrection Sunday is, after all, the highest of Holy days in my faith.
i’ve got no profound meaning to extrapolate from any of this. chalk it up to rambling musing, i suppose.